Her Ex Keeps Calling

My girlfriend has a lot of guy friends calling our house & she calls her ex from her cell & he calls her. We are having problems & she doesn't get horny anymore. Is it over or what?

I will answer this as if I were your older sister. For whatever reason, and I am not privy to the problem details, she is having her behavior speak louder than her words and her behavior says, "I am distancing from you, no longer interested in being intimate with you".

And anytime a women has a lot of men calling her she is giving off the vibe/signal/message choose your term she is available and on the market. Your girlfriend's behavior is broadcasting she no longer feels the connection to your relationship. You obviously share a home and most people do not move in together on a casual basis they do so because they want the exclusive access sexually and emotionally to that person.

Likely 6 months ago she started telling you things that were a problem for her and these things were not, have not been addressed or resolved. And here's the pattern, women will tell a man what they are concerned about, what is not working for them and if after 'x' number of times of bringing it up (usually about 10 times) there is no change in his behavior or reaction the woman stops mentioning it and starts tallying the number of times it happens. And that starts the erosion of emotional connection, she mentally notes each time it happens.

Men often think once a woman stops talking about something, "Oh good its no longer an issue she stopped talking about it." Couldn't be further from the truth. These issues can be anything from dishes in the sink, translation he is being inconsiderate and she feels he expects her to do the cleaning, to contributions on shared expenses, he expects her to pay more often than he does, he is late on his contributions to bills, he cancels their plans and leaves to go golfing/play poker or whatever translation she isn't important enough to him, she isn't a priority.

You might see a pattern here, she does not feel heard or respected. Those two feelings will create more distance and coolness than just about any others in relationships and one of the first places emotional disconnects show up is in the bedroom.

There is some light at the end of this tunnel she may be doing this to get YOU to pay attention to her. You have some work ahead of you to reestablish your relationship as a priority.

When was the last time you treated one another the way you did when you were first together? Are you both focusing so much on your careers you let the focus on the two of you slip? The reason people create the financial security and the homes they want is so they can share them with someone yet we often start on a slippery slope of taking their presence for granted once someone is around us and we don't have to work so hard at the relationship.

Oh yes you do, perhaps even more so. It is called attention, attention, attention. And your attention to her was what had her respond to you in the first place you can do so again and take the place of the others who are now paying attention to her.

About The Author

Lou-paget
Lou Paget
Lou Paget is a certified AASECT* sex educator and grassroots researcher whose quest for accurate, practical information for herself has created a highly successful international seminar and product company with a focus on lifestyle and cultural trends that impact our sexuality, health, and relationships. Find out more about Lou. Follow on Twitter and Facebook
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