How Parents Can Be Sexually Adventurous

Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott talk about why new moms are not as interested in sex and what new dads can do.

As the best-selling book Fifty Shades of Grey  became a national sensation and engaged some couples in their romantic fantasies, those who are 'Married with Children' face several challenges.

Separate Fiction from Fact
Many of the practices revealed in romance novels may seem captivating in the context of a fictional story, but can be compromising to couples who want to explore them.

Instead, read books and articles by sexuality experts and scholars (and everything on VivaXO.com!) Read up on the realities of fantasies before you begin to experiment with your partner.

Talk
Communication is the cliche of the counseling profession. We always advise our patients to communicate openly, but if it were that easy an instruction to follow, we probably wouldn’t have a practice at all.

It’s not enough to be able to talk openly—you have to be able to listen without judgment.

Upon hearing your partner express an interest in something that’s out of your comfort zone, it’s generally not good to react with, “That’s insane! You’re a freak!” It’s probably better to say something along the lines of, “I appreciate the attraction you have to that idea, but it’s probably out of my comfort zone to actually try.”

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You communicate the same idea, but without punishing your partner for speaking the truth. If you react judgmentally when your partner is opening up to you, all you are really doing is conditioning your partner to close up and keep things from you.

Lying is a bad practice in relationships, but sometimes we must remember that our partners learn how to lie to us because we train them to do just that by punishing them whenever they speak a truth that is unpleasant to us.

Proceed Slowly
Exploring fantasies can be a wonderful time for couples, but remember you are exploring. If you were exploring a cave or scuba diving in unfamiliar territory, that’s also exploring. In those circumstances, you tend to proceed cautiously, for fear of unknown dangers you may face.

Exploring fantasies should be treated the same way. It is better to leave each other wanting more than overdoing it right out of the gate and causing an abrupt end to your exploration.

As for the kids, here are some ideas to help you navigate that touchy terrain at home.

Privacy
If you’re like most parents there are times when the kids are home alone. If you don’t think that they don’t sometimes take the opportunity to look in places you think are private, you’re likely to be disappointed.

First, protect your computer. Most browsers have an option called “private browsing.” This function does not track the sites you visit, and leaves your history list blank. Use it regularly, and you’ll never have to worry about your kids finding articles about more adult topics.

The Closed Door
For those non-traditional practices that don’t involve a lot of noise that can be heard through closed doors, enact a closed-door policy in your home. Agree with your kids that you will always knock on their door before entering their bedrooms as long as they always knock on yours first, as well.

Locking your door enhances your privacy, but respect for their privacy will result in a higher road—they will respect your privacy, as well.

Alone Time
Kids love the movies, and they love going to the movies without Mom and Dad along, so indulge them. Heck, send them to a double feature.

Allow them to have friends as overnight guests on occasion so that you can also benefit from them spending overnights with their friends on occasion, as well.

All of these tactics can ensure you getting the house to yourselves from time to time without making your kids feeling like you’re just conspiring to get them out so you can be alone.

Follow these guidelines, and you should be able to walk the delicate line of being responsible to your family and adventurous with each other, and enjoy the benefits of both.

About The Author

Chuck_and_jo-ann_bird
Drs. Chuck and Jo-ann Bird

Drs. Chuck and Jo-Ann Bird are both board certified clinical sexologists and relationship experts, counselors/coaches and speakers. Make sure to read their blog, watch their YouTube videos,  follow them on Twitter and Facebook.

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